|
Testimony of
Repentance from Dead Works
By Lynn Rossiter – Our Sister
In Christ
After
36 years of being a Holy Spirit filled Christian, active in ministry, I
discovered that for a number of years, I had been living in a great deception.
The following is my testimony of how Jesus transformed me from walking in
darkness to walking in the light.
Salvation
In public school, I signed the prayer in the back of my small Gideon New
Testament and accepted Jesus as my Saviour. Like many children, I went to
Sunday school but I did not know Him personally until I was twenty-one. At
university, I studied philosophy, psychology and sociology, seeking truth. I
liked to talk about God. The greatest surprise of my life came when this Jesus,
who I had heard about all my life, met me in a very powerful and personal way.
I was standing at the back of a church observing the service when an altar call
came for salvation. In spite of a very strong desire to go up, I did not.
Afterward, I told someone who subsequently prayed with me to receive Jesus
Christ as my Lord and Saviour. When I hugged him, I knew in my spirit that
I was also hugging Jesus. He was there! He was real! I was completely
overwhelmed with his love. I gave my life to Him from that time forward.
I studied the bible and learned from the elders. I was baptized both in water
and the Holy Spirit and received a prayer language… tongues. The Lord
began to teach me my identity in Him.
Starting
to Grow
At 37 I learned about inner healing, which was the beginning of a new
transformation. This involved a much deeper revelation of the cross of Christ
and the need for forgiveness of both myself and others. I began to feel and
release a whole range of painful emotions I had stuffed. It’s been a long
process, with the Lord’s help. As I surrendered my strong self-will, I
discovered there was joy and rest beyond pain.
I began to learn about the Father and what it
means to be adopted by Him.
The Dark
Ministry of Co-Dependence
Believing I was doing the Lord’s work, I tried to help others with their
emotional and spiritual pain. I had a heart to ‘adopt’ people who felt like
‘orphans’. My husband and I took a number of these into our home. We thought
we could be family to them and that they would get healed of their sense of
abandonment and aloneness. I also became very close friends with two
individuals, investing much time in conversations and prayer as well as in my
private devotions.
No
matter how much I tried to help other people over the years, they did not get
healed of their neediness, abandonment and sense of being an orphan, nor did
they seem to be able to connect with God in this. They had no real
accountability to God and to others for different reasons. Some
did not take responsibility for helping themselves, yet I was more concerned
about this than they were, taking their responsibility onto myself. Others
seemed unable to help themselves no matter what they did.
In
my closest friendships we tried to help each other get healed, to find our
identity in God and we ended up in spiritual darkness, far from the heart of
God. The false prophetic was present, as was sin, Satan as an angel of light, false
innocence, and a form of godliness, all indicative of a religious spirit.
Without realizing it, I had become especially addicted to one person.
We
got in the way of each others’ relationship with God. I unknowingly allowed
myself to be idolized by some. I was told regularly how godly and wonderful I
was. “You’re the first one (or the only one) who really cares about me”.
I
felt like life was being sucked out of me when I spent time too much time with
these ones. Except for the one to whom I was particularly addicted, I felt
drained and did not want them to call me or to visit. Instinctively I wanted
to step back and set boundaries but felt a false sense of guilt because of it.
“Does this mean I don’t really care about them?” In conversations there
was always a ‘poor me’ aspect and what was wrong with others.
I cried out to God for years in confusion and pain.
The Sword
of the Spirit - Into the Light
In my
57th year, Jesus met me again in an unexpected way. Even as He came to
the temple and turned over the tables of the moneychangers, I knew He had come
to set His house in order. For a moment I felt His righteous anger. It was
like an earthquake and I shook inside. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of
wisdom.” (Psalm 111:10) Jesus met me when I decided to confess hidden sin in
my life to my husband.
In my
blindness, I had believed I was handling the situation between myself, the
person with whom I had become addicted, and God. That was spiritual
pride. The moment I opened my mouth to bring everything into the light, pain
and chains of spiritual bondage, deception, lies, half truths, confusion,
blindness, deafness and oppression started to fall off me.
Walking in the Light of the Holy
Spirit
Our
relationships were centered on self and on our respective needs rather than on
God. It took revelation from the Lord for me to see this. I can now identify
unhealthy patterns. It has not been easy. I have had to persevere.
But the Lord
has been faithful. The Lord has been teaching me how to put myself and everyone
else on the altar, committing them to his care. This frees me to be a part of
what He is doing, to be involved or not as He directs. For over
two years I have been in a very quiet place with God and participated in no
ministry. The Lord brought me to the end of myself in a radical way and I am
eternally grateful because, in my desperation, He met me and gave Himself to me.
My husband and I now live alone.
We
have been focused on our relationship with the Lord and each other. I am
experiencing a relationship with the Holy Spirit that is deeply personal and
life-giving. It has always been easier for me to relate to Jesus and the Father
than to the Holy Spirit who seemed a ghost-like figure to me. Now the Holy
Spirit is my best friend along with the Father and the Son. He is my constant
companion, my Comforter and my Counselor who has been leading me into the truth
about everything. I have a new love for the scriptures, daily soaking in the
truth, being washed by Jesus in the water of his Word.
More Teachings
|
